Work & Play

I don’t think anyone knows what I’m thinking when it comes to work & school anymore, and sometimes I think I’d prefer it that way. I’m hitting one of those clichéd life revelations, that’s why…

I’m good at science. I feel like this is a fair assessment, not too braggy (I’m no Stephen Hawking) and I’m pretty sure I’m not dumb either. My fascination has always been with forensics – freaking out my high school teachers, all except for my history & chemistry teacher. They love the science-y side to anthropology. Dead, mutilated, half-decayed bodies? No problem. It never bothered me, and still doesn’t. But that’s what bothers me – that it doesn’t bother me. Shouldn’t it bother me? My indifference makes me feel soulless. I like sewing a lot – and it just so happened that Costume Design 101 squeezed conveniently between labs and genetics. It was fun, but I don’t think I really looked over my life until Vicki recruited me to do some costumes for the Philly Theater. Watching Macbeth – my costumes & my work, come to life and have meaning – that was something else. The bodies on the table in front of me were never people, and one day – that’s what I’m going to be. Nothing, forgotten. Another corpse in line, another disposable person. My life really isn’t going to mean anything to anyone years and years and years from now. The only thing I have is what my life is worth now – and I started getting the itch to devote my life to doing something that means something to me. I know the moment it started – I finished up my hand stitching and sneaked into the house to watch the tech rehearsal. It’s a small, open stage, and suddenly, you’re not watching but you’re IN it – not living it, but like you’ve left your body and disappeared into the energy and emotion. Like a wave sinking back into the ocean, pulling along the sand and seashells to dissipate and become something else. My consciousness shifted, and I lost myself. It was everything that I felt about my life; the actors will live and die, but the stage and human emotion will remain timeless. It’s how I feel about my life really… it’s ‘a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.’ Sounds depressing, but it’s really not. Sort of like Buddhism. Everyone gets so down learning about it, that ‘life is full of suffering’ – but it’s not about suffering. It’s about rising up and escaping it.

Anyway, everyone’s pretty much figured out by now that I’m not thrilled about getting my teacher’s certification. However, I AM thrilled about grabbing as many certifications as I can so that I have a varied hand to pick from if the need arises. The economy is still depressing. From what I’ve seen and researched, I’m convinced that artisans and craftsman have a great niche to work from, and always will have. Hopefully I’m right, and my work-life will take off. Anyway, I’m just relaxing and enjoying my job at the animal hospital. I need a break from personal drama, living by myself (which is lonely, especially when you’re lovesick in a long distance relationship), and whatnot. But a lot of people have been asking me where this desire for art came from – out of seemingly unrelated science. I think they’re very related. But I’d rather spend my life creating something with worth and value than trying to scrape it up from something already destroyed.

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