Growing Up, Disney, Theater

I have now entered a new phase of my life where candy, especially chocolate, repels me. However, if you’re a bagel or a wheat-peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich – watch out. I will eat you alive. My new love of carbohydrates isn’t the only thing that has been changing. Each tempting bagel, so delicious in my mouth – always decides that it’s new home will be my abdomen. As a child, I always had thick legs – and now it’s the opposite way around. I’ve somehow turned into some sort of chicken-legged-bagel-eating-monster.

I think the biggest change has been my taste in Disney. The world has two camps, thickly divided: the Disney lovers, the haters, and of course – a buffer territory. An abstract Sweden. Try as I might – I have always been a Disney lover, and nothing could change that. The moment when I noticed that I was leaving my childhood and awkward teenage years behind was the morning I woke up and knew – My favorite Disney princess was no longer Mulan or Belle, but Giselle. It was a shocking realization.

I don’t really know how other people measure their lives. My academic achievements have proved almost worthless to the cutthroat working world. My research was exciting, but useless when it comes to affording necessities. The years have started to roll. They’re no longer the epic journeys of elementary school – days blend into months, while the months flow into each other and become indistinguishable.

There are two things I have to do before I die: Go to Disney World, and go overseas. I’m worried about not speaking the language, but everyone assures me that it’s fine. I just got an e-mail about the low rates for traveling to Korea this year – for $4000. Maybe one day. It’s definitely on my to-do list. Actually, I’ll add a third objective: see Europe. But first: get a better job, to make money that I can actually use on fun things like that. I’ve finally come to realize the conflict in my life: doing things that you like, versus doing things that are going to make you money. And sometimes, sadly, the two don’t come together and compromise so well.

One of my “dream fantasy” jobs is to be a performer at Disney World. Another one is a NASCAR driver – but that one is pure fantasy. (I’m a woman AND I’m Asian. That’s two strikes right there against my driving ability.)

Anyhow, I received a call today about a February production of Prelude to a Kiss – they would mostly need alterations. But the first read-through is this Monday night coming, and there is a lot of self doubt in my mind. ‘Am I ready for this?’ ‘Do I know what to do?’ ‘Will I be talented enough?’ ‘Do I remember which measurements to take?’ ‘Should I type up a new measurement page?’ ‘Should I make a binder?’ ‘HELP!’ Luckily, most of these questions can be answered with a few deep breaths and my Costume Designer’s Handbook. Other questions can be solved with a quick thumb through my Costume Technician’s Handbook and other references. I might invest in a book about alterations, just in case – most of my library is pattern drafting, my large weak spot when I began my costuming adventures. But despite my self-doubting thoughts, the director keeps spewing positive thoughts, gratefulness, and a full trust in whatever I can give. Which makes me even more nervous – if I really fail, it’ll be soul-crushing. Ron always says situations are way better in reality than in my mind.

I need a good dose of courage.


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